August 31, 2010

John Lennon's Toilet Sells For $14,740 At Auction - Imagine There's No Shit Stains...

From Reuters:
**A toilet that belonged to late Beatle John Lennon fetched 9,500 pounds ($14,740) at auction on Saturday, around 10 times its estimate, the sale organizers said. Lennon, who was murdered in New York in 1980, had the porcelain lavatory removed from Tittenhurst Park in Berkshire, southern England, where he lived from 1969 to 1971, and replaced with a new one. The builders who took away the white and blue lavatory were told to "put some flowers in it or something," according to the auction catalog. Builder John Hancock stored it in his shed for 40 years until he died recently and the lavatory was sent for sale, British media reports said. The toilet was among Beatles memorabilia sold at auction as part of the Beatle week festival in Liverpool, the group's native city in northwest England. The pre-auction estimate was 750 to 1,000 pounds. Anne-Marie Trace, who works at the Beatles Shop in Liverpool which organized the sale, said the high price paid had taken the organizers by surprise. "I think it's the most unusual item we've ever had in our auction," she told Reuters. The buyer was not identified but Trace said it was likely it was "going overseas."**

If they wanted a DNA sample so bad, why didn't they just scrape Yoko's rotten uterus?
Hell, Julian Lennon's whole net worth isn't even that much.

August 30, 2010

To Do List, Via Corporate Overlords - How They See Us

Presented without comment, because I can only shake my head.

World's Worst Wolverine Toy - Answers Question Is Wolverine Cut or Not

Why are his claws out, though? Is he using threats of dismemberment to forcibly get blown? All that time in Madripoor, you'd figure he'd know it only takes a $5 bill with the right connections. That, or a diamond ring...

Actually, now that I think about it, Wolverine has the right idea after all.

Oh, and Cut. DEFINITELY Cut.

Mystic Beheads Infant In Ritual He Believed Would Lend Him Supernatural Powers

From the AP:

<"During questioning, he said he had a dream and heard a voice saying he would get extraordinary healing powers if he sacrificed a male child," Mr Murugesan said. Gafoor, aided by a female accomplice, had collected a bottle of the child's blood and then buried the torso, after which he performed various rituals before throwing the bottle into the sea. Mr Murugesan said Gafoor had led police to the burial site where the body was found with a garland of beads, some "holy ash" and the portrait of a goddess.>

So, anyone tried beheading him yet? Because I'm hearing a voice right now telling me that his sacrifice might grant me the ability to hate one less Idiot in the world.

August 29, 2010

Father Gets 14 Years For Sex With Donkey - Donkey Was Asking For It

A Kenyan court sentenced a 30-year-old man on Wednesday to 14 years in jail for having sex with a donkey. Stephen Kipkemoi Rono was convicted after pleading guilty before a court in the southern town of Narok. The father of two was charged with having "carnal knowledge of an animal, namely a donkey, which is against the order of nature". Rono pleaded for leniency claiming that he had been deceived by the devil. He has two weeks to appeal the sentence. "I am sorry. I plead for leniency because it's the devil who sent me. I have been living alone since my wife left me to marry another man," he told the court.

So, he went from sleeping with a Bitch to sleeping with an Ass... I can see how he would consider that an upgrade.

Drunken Idiot Joyful Dog Chewed Off His Toe

From the AP:

<Grand Rapids Press reported that the 48-year-old musician knew for a while something was wrong with his foot. He resisted seeking care until giving in to his nurse wife's pressure one day last month. Before going for an appointment, Douthett says he went out drinking, then came home and passed out. When he awoke, the terrier was beside him in bed and lots of blood was where his toe used to be. His wife rushed him to Spectrum Health Blodgett Campus, where doctors found a bone infection and amputated the rest of the toe.>>

Too bad he didn't have a bladder infection.

Human Trash Goes On Rampage Over Chicken McNuggets - Which Has More Value to Society?

So, here is a drunk, fat white woman in her native environment (McDonalds). When refused service, she goes "drunk, fat white woman" on the staff and window. I posted this without sound to save you from hemorrhaging ears. Stay to see the window death scene that ends the final act. 

Remind me again why people protest the death penalty? I think it should be MAJORLY expanded.

Let's Get to Know One Another - I May Not Like At Least One of Us

Any similarity between you and a human is purely coincidental.

Anyone who told you to be yourself couldn't have given you worse advice.

Are your parents siblings?

As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?

Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home?

Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth?

Do you want people to accept you as you are or do you want them to like you?

Don't you have a terribly empty feeling - in your skull?

Do you still love nature, despite what it did to you?

Have you considered suing your brains for non-support?

How did you get here? Did someone leave your cage open?

I'd like to see things from your point of view but I can't seem to get my head that far up my ass.